Butterfly's Embrace: Preserving the Unseen

Written and photographed by Maddie McMurry

CONTENT WARNING: THIS ARTICLE DISCUSSES THE TOPICS OF INFANT LOSS AND MISCARRIAGE. IF THOSE SUBJECTS ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, READ WITH CAUTION OR KINDLY SKIP PAST. THIS ARTICLE IS MEANT TO SHED LIGHT ON A SUBJECT THAT IS OFTEN HIDDEN AND TO PROVIDE RESOURCES TO THOSE IN OUR COMMUNITY WHO HAVE WALKED THIS JOURNEY.

“They held my hand while I cried. They were not overbearing, it was just ‘we’re here.’ They helped me identify the emotions I was feeling and that it’s okay to feel that way. And they said, ‘I see you. I see your hurt and your pain, and you’re not alone.’”

These are the words of Christi David, who has experienced two miscarriages and interacted with a program called Butterfly’s Embrace for the first time after she and her husband lost their baby at 12 weeks gestation. This type of grief is deep. It is unique. And many times it goes unspoken, sometimes for an entire lifetime. 

Christi met the Butterfly’s Embrace team at the surgery center after an error during her first D&C procedure required her to return. She had tragically delivered her 12-week-old baby in her home, and these nurses were the first to truly care for the life she was grieving. 

They helped Christi and her husband begin to work through the grieving process and to preserve their memories. They explained her options, including respectful cremation and a place to visit her baby’s memory in the Serenity Garden at Jackson-Madison County General Hospital.

“All infant loss matters. To have a place where you can go and where you can feel like your baby mattered — it gave us so much peace,” Christi explained. 

Butterfly’s Embrace is a perinatal bereavement program of Jackson-Madison County General Hospital and West Tennessee Healthcare. The program serves families at any gestational age — from early miscarriage to full-term loss, SIDS, or the death of a NICU baby. Support includes memory-making, sibling and father resources, support groups, and personal check-ins for up to 13 months after a loss, along with countless quiet acts of care that cannot be fully captured in one article.

Sadly, many women will experience this type of loss, and just this year, Butterfly’s Embrace has served over 300 families, with its reach stretching from Memphis to Nashville as it is one of the only comprehensive perinatal bereavement programs in Tennessee. Even for those who have not experienced perinatal loss personally, the likelihood is high that someone close to you has. They are in the trenches of grief, giving families permission to talk about their loss, create positive experiences around it, and connect them with a unique community of people who, unfortunately, deeply understand the pain they are walking through. 

The team includes Leigh Ann Sutton, the program coordinator; nurses Tammy Hardee and Addie Grisham, both bereaved mothers; Scott Bloodworth, the hospital chaplain who supports fathers; Abigail Staley, a child life specialist; and Lauren Shelton, a NICU nurse who leads much of the memory-making. Together, they’ve created a program that fills a long-standing gap in care.

“The only way I can describe it is pure magic. The details of what each team member brings, that's special and unique to them, and how that just makes a jigsaw puzzle fit together,” Leigh Ann said. “Every piece is where it needs to be, and everything that a family could need or want is hopefully thought about and thought through for each individual family.”

It all began 10 years ago, when Deena Kail, Executive Director of the Women's and Children’s Unit, Chief Nursing Officer, and one of the vice presidents of the hospital, recognized a need during her years as a labor and delivery nurse.

“I was that labor and delivery nurse that wanted to take care of all the moms, but especially the moms that were not going to be taking a baby home. I wanted to make sure that they got the very best care possible because sometimes as nurses and as caregivers, people don't feel comfortable in those situations, and so they tend to avoid those moms and those families, and I didn't want that to happen,” Deena said.

Butterfly’s Embrace is built on the belief that unprocessed grief impacts not just individuals, but marriages, families, and even young children. Its name reflects that mission.

“The name actually came from the vision of having the softest wings of a butterfly to guard and protect around a family, but also helping them transform this huge emotion of grief into something that's beautiful,” Leigh Ann said. 

The care process begins as soon as a diagnosis is made — whether during an ultrasound or upon arrival at the hospital. When staff are notified, the care team meets the family at the bedside to immediately provide compassionate support. If you find yourself in their care, you won’t arrive and sit in the normal waiting room, you will be taken to a cozy, peaceful separate room that is private. This allows families to grieve without the distractions of other patients around.

At this stage, the team focuses on surrounding the family with care, helping them think through questions they may not yet know to ask, and starting gentle conversations about their needs. This includes identifying who will be present for support, offering financial resources, and discussing whether siblings or other family members should be involved — helping parents see these choices as both normal and meaningful.

The team at Butterfly’s Embrace has thought of every tiny detail, down to the scent of the room when you arrive. They even have handcrafted their own baby soap and lotion so that it doesn’t smell anything like a soap a parent might find in the store. 

After delivery, the focus shifts to memory-making and continued emotional support. Families are encouraged to create lasting memories through photographs, handprints and footprints, foot molds, and including the siblings in keepsakes when appropriate. The team remains present throughout this process, offering guidance and modeling supportive interactions to help families feel more confident and supported as they begin to grieve. They are “creating a lifetime of memories in a very short amount of time,” as Tammy told me.

“The first step with what our program really embodies is just giving that family permission to talk about their baby, to see their baby, and to do all the normal things that a mom and dad and siblings want to do, which is take photos, bathe their baby, and to see their baby in those sweet outfits,” Leigh Ann explained. “We try to make it as normal as possible because we're giving them permission then to have a positive memory… And it's tragic, it's trauma. But if you have the support around you and you have people who are giving you permission to walk through this in a positive way, it really does make a big impact.” 

Support doesn’t end when families leave the hospital. Follow-up care continues for six to 13 months through check-ins, support groups, monthly grief-focused mailings, and community events.

“For the most part, families want to stay in contact with us. They love to hear from us every month and to make sure that they come to our events because we’re some of the only ones that have held their baby and got the moment to see their baby being delivered or to have those special moments with a family. And so that relationship is amazing, and it's cherished,” Leigh Ann said. 

For Christi David, her healing journey has been profoundly impacted by the support group of women who understand her grief in the deepest and most personal of ways. She was connected with a group after her loss and meets with them regularly, and she also benefited from a spa day Butterfly’s Embrace put together on Mother’s Day for bereaved moms. 

“Hearing someone else’s story and being completely heartbroken for them, and then sharing mine, and them also being completely heartbroken for me,” Christi said. “It’s this club no one wants to belong to, but without Butterfly’s Embrace, we wouldn’t have each other to not feel alone.”

After Christi’s procedure at the surgery center, her clinic continued to call about bills that were due. Every time the clinic called, it was triggering to her. When the Butterfly’s Embrace team learned of this, they called on her behalf, telling them to stop calling. 

“They created a boundary for me that in that moment of trauma, I couldn’t create for myself.”

Butterfly’s Embrace also assists families who cannot afford medical bills, therapy, or counseling. Funding for this program comes from hospital support, community partnerships, and fundraising events like Walk to Remember, hosted with Heaven’s Cradle. Additional support comes from Psalms 4:8, the Magnolia Foundation in Cookeville, and the Hope and Healing Foundation through West Tennessee Healthcare.

The care provided by Butterfly’s Embrace is not just for moms or families facing a loss in the present, but it offers support to you even if it has been decades since your loss. Perhaps even by reading this story, you are encouraged to speak up about a loss of your own or share these resources with a friend walking through grief. When we speak and care for what feels like the impossible, it creates a ripple effect, impacting countless lives and helping remember a precious life.

If you are walking with someone on their grieving journey, take the advice that some of the team shared with me: listen more and talk less. Lean into sitting with someone, allow them to speak or remain silent, cry or not cry. Just be present. Remember their baby’s due date, or the name they chose, or just simply send a text to check in. The ministry of presence speaks more than words.

Butterfly’s Embrace is a team made up of hidden leaders who advocate for the unseen women, the unseen families, the ones who have a loss that no one wants to talk about. They see them. They give value to them. Without that, there would be a gap in care. They see the gap, they see people who have been through the unimaginable, and they help them live with hope and with memories that will live on. 

If you would like to support Butterfly’s Embrace, give to the program, or experience its care, visit its website at butterflysembracefamilysupport.com.